i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
