Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She told me I should be a condom model.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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