The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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