....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
