is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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