Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
