dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
