I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
