Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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