no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
