i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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