can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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