If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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