i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
