he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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