Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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