You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
