can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
