Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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