Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
