I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
