I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
