**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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