We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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