Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
