I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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