its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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