Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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