i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
