Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
