I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
