I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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