I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
