But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
