I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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