If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
