I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
soo... how was my night?
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