get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
God, I missed his penis.
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