I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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