i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
