Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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