i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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