um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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