im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
