tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
