I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
