Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
