woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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