your thong is hanging out like whoa
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
