if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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