Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize