i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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