3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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