you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The ass gains better be worth it
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