Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
