i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
