I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
