worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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