did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
