whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
