i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize