God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
