I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
