I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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