I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
