Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
