I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
