im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
