I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
