I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
