Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I love you. Go after that dick
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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