Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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