All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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