I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So squirting runs in the family.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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