it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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